I Can't Sleep...

and my stomach hurts. It's a bad night..

You know, once upon a time I had an actual website. Not just one of these blogger things, but an actual website that I made super cool layouts for. They were usually pink and involved some sort of retro theme. The first one was retro circles of varying transparencies in shades of hot pink, light pink, blue and green all on black background. The last one was based on the movie poster from Down with Love. It was heavily pink. I really wish I still had a screen cap of that layout. I have a copy of it somewhere but sadly it is on a floppy disc and I have no idea where I would find a computer that still has a disc inserter thing. There was also a rather cool jelly bean one. That one wasn't very pink.

That site was called Can't Sleep and I started it more 4 years ago while I was in the OAC. I called it Can't Sleep because I launched the site while I was ill with mono. I was exhausted all the time, yet unable to sleep because whole sections of my brain wouldn't shut up. It was a horribly frustrating time for me, so I decided to name my site in honour of that time. The full name was Can't Sleep: The Rantings of an Insomniac.

I miss it. I miss making the layouts, I miss coding them by hand, I miss the old school techniques of using notepad and FTP for running a site. Back then I had to use actual HTML codes to make paragraphs breaks or underline or insert links. Adding pictures to text required endless amount of resizing and cropping in paint or photoshop (I used paintshop pro 6.0 then 7.2 and later 8.0) then careful placement within text which often involved the hell known as tables within tables. And if I wanted spell check, I had to type the whole thing in word, then copy it to notepad while being careful not to break up the table or inline frame codings.

Changing layouts wasn't a simple operation requiring 4 minutes and 7 mouse clicks. It was a long process that took many hours or even days. You had to make the graphics, then cut them to precise measurements, then carefully place them in tables that fit those carefully cut graphics (which was my definition of torture. I still hate tables, they are PURE EVIL!) which usually took hours of figuring out why the columns have vi sable lines or why there is a space between images when there should be no space that you only figure out hours later was caused by an extra tap of the space bar in the exact wrong spot. There there was text coding and CSS style sheets to make the text match the graphics and cursors to match the text and alter the scroll bar colours so they didn't stand out like sore thumbs in your all black and pink layout.

After it was all done, back in the days before .php was common, you'd have to go through every page, and replace the coding so all your pages matched. A new layout never took me less than an entire day. And that was only for my inline frame layouts where I only had to replace the style sheets on the archive pages. The tabled layouts with no inlines took me entire weekends! After all that was done, you'd have to upload each file to an with an FTP program like my all time favourite, Coffee Cup FTP, and hope to God you didn't get timed out half way through.

I realize that about 95% of you have no idea what I am talking about, but to the 5% of you would there who remember life before blogger I ask, wasn't it worth it? Don't you miss the freedom and creativity of having a blog that was completely unique? I do, but sadly I have forgotten almost all HTML save for the most basic codes and I just don't have the time to spend on those lovely and reflective layouts anymore. C'est La Vie.

dammit

So I had a depressing week. My final grade in Methods in Anthropology was a C. This has be quite bummed as this is the lowest grade I have received in university, Actually the lowest grade I've had since Grade 10 when I took my last math class. I came close to a C in Physical Geography but i studied my ass off and wrote the most detailed Lab assignment ever and i managed to pull my grade up in the last month.

With Methods I worked all year. I started off well, getting B's and such but then second term came and all the studying and hard work didn't seem to matter. I got a D on the final and a C on the research project that i put my heart and soul in to. I cried. A lot. I cried a lot and got depressed because with that D and C i put the final nail the coffin that were my hopes of getting in to grad school. The absolute lowest mark allowed in a degree requirement is a C+ and even then its hard to find a school that will take you. most will pass you over with less than a B.

Add my difficulty finding a summer job, and problems at home and I have been one stressed girl. My moods have been all over the place and I've been getting headaches so I went to the doctor. Guess what! My hormones are out of whack and I have mildly high blood pressure both of which are likely brought on by stress. Shocker right? Looks like I'm saying goodbye to my friend salt for a while.

This made me even more upset and more stressed. I'm not sure, seeing as it's been nearly four years since my last English class but I'm fairly sure that is ironic.

So I took a nap and decided to not let it get to me. All the signs told me to be happy. I finished the sleeve on the sweater I'm knitting (My first one ever!) and it fits perfectly, my favourite movie, Moulin Rouge, is playing on the free preview of AMC tonight, I had chocolate pudding in the fridge and animal crackers on the top of the fridge (the worlds greatest dessert!) and I had just enough cash to buy a big ol' carton of OJ which I have been craving for a few days. Oh! and I got my highest marks of the year in my final two Anthro of Tourism things. See, all happy things!

Tomorrow is a new day and I have 12 days left of my summer vacation before summer session starts so I'm going to get up early (and by early I mean before noon) put on my supper comfy yoga pants and go for a walk, possibly in the conservation area about a kilometre from here, while listening to the Moulin Rouge soundtracks. A new day and all that crap.

She lives!

I have offically finished my third year of university. Three down, Two to go. I wrote my Anthropology of Tourism exam at 2:00 and now I have exactly 20 days kill before summer term starts. Correction, 20 days to find a job. Damnit, it ever ends! gah! For the first time since I was 17 I don't have a summer job lined up. It's kind freaking me out. I'm not going back to camp this summer and that has me bummed. Don't worry, I'll get over it. Camp stopped being fun last summer. I've outgrown it. That has me a little wigged too. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a grown up yet. Ha! Like I have a choice.

Its more like I hate this current stage in my life. That really awkward spot when you're an adult but still in school and thus dependant on someone else. It's irritating and frustrating beyond belief. I just want it to be over now. I want to be a grown up or I want to be a kid again. No more of this in between bullshit and since going back isn't an option due to the lack of time machines that leaves me with moving forward. I know, I know, I'm going to look back in two years and realize how fast it went by but it seems so far away right now.

I'm actually excited about being a grown up. Starting a career (not just getting a job), moving out, paying bills, all that fun stuff. I've completely outgrown where I am now. I'm pretty sure I already said that but I just want to be sure you fully understand my irritation at the situation (I swear the rhyming was unintentional).

Anyway, Going now. Tomorrow err... later today, is celebration time with Laura. Blade of Glory then getting smashed... well pleasently buzzed since I can't afford smashed, at Outback.