blankness

Christmas is 4 days away. Now I should be mildly freaked because I have yet to finish knitting one a gift, there is half decorated gingerbread house on my dining room table, I haven't done laundry in nearly two weeks and I'm booked up between now and the 28th. I'm not freaking though because of the simple fact that I ONLY have one project to finish, the gingerbread house of baked, build and half decorated, laundry is easy and I have finished all my Christmas shopping. I didn't have much to buy this year, thank goodness, but it still took a while because my grandparents are quite the challenge. But lets be honest, no one has an easy time shopping for grandparents. I went the practical route thus year. Gran wanted double sided photo frames in silver, grampa wanted socks. Seriously, socks. They man lives in Barbados, on a golf course, own a race horse, and own suits worth more than every article of clothing I've ever own, EVER, and when asked what he was hoping for this Christmas, he said socks. The first conversation went like this:

Me: So Grampa, what did you tell Gran you wanted for Christmas
Grampa: Peace
Me: Well she might have a hard time wrapping that.
Grampa: But its what I want.

Realizing I had reached a dead end. I turned to my grandmother. I asked her what grampa wants because Gran knows everything. She said socks. My impossible to shop for, has everything, hates clutter grandfather wants socks in light brown and dark brown. So that's what grampa is getting. Four pairs of socks. Had I known earlier I would have knit him a pair. Oh well, maybe next year.

I'm off, time to do a load of laundry and make some royal icing for the gingerbread house

Update: SUCCESS!

SUCCESS! The time is 2:08 am EST on December 13 2007, and I am done my ginormous research project! AND! It's done a full 36 hours before the due date! AND! its a whole page over the required amount meaning I have made serious progress as a student.

Tomorrow....er..... today, all I have to do is edit, and write a measly 1200 word take home exam. But now I'm just jinxed it but I don't care! I too happy being done the ginormous research project to let anything bring me down. Seriously, if there were any mike's hard in the house right now and it weren't past 2 in the morning I'd be downstairs doing a serious happy dance.

Happy Thing: Finishing ginormous papers! Boo ya!!!

(OK I cheated a little, I'll do another F next post)


By the way, if you aren't watching Pushing Daisies yet, what the crap is wrong with you?! Start now damnit!

If you are: first, you are awesome. Second, Holy Crap! Did you see that coming?

Starting to relax a little...

I have 14 of 20 pages written for my final research report and half a take home exam done both of which are due before 2 pm on Friday. Now normally the thought of having to write about 10 pages of quality text AND editing about 30 pages plus doing bibliographies in the span of about 3 days in case I am not quite freaking. Why you ask? Because on Thursday I had nothing written. I did all this writing in 4 days and if I can do that and still manage to see a crappy crappy movie (The Golden Compass, Do yourself a favour, save your money), decorate several dozen cookies and assemble a gingerbread house. If I can do all that, than I can write less than 10 pages, edit 30, write two short bibliographies AND make a roast beef Christmas dinner on Wednesday night. Yes, I am making a Christmas dinner on Wednesday. That because we won't get to spent Christmas eve or Christmas day with Donna and Tay so we are doing it early.

Now since I have spent most of the week researching and writing, I have done nothing worth blogging! No really. On Saturday I escaped with Angela and went to Wimpy's to have the most awesome American omelette ever, see the Golden Compass, had a purple haze at Kelsey's (was super sour and awesome. I want another one), then walked around Indigo for half an hour. On Sunday my sorta-cousin came over and we decorated the gingerbread cookies I've been making obsessively and put together a gingerbread house. It's still not decorated though. I think I'll do it on Friday, after the papers are in.

Oh, and I knit a glove. Yeah, one glove. I'll work on the second one later.

Yeah, that's my fascinating life this week. Don't you want to be me?

Happy thing! This week is the letter E and I admit, this one had my stumped for a little while. Then I came to my senses and remembered that I love elephants! Seriously, I had a total brain fart moments cause when I was a kid I had a major obsession with elephants. I still have a soft spot for them. Specifically African Elephants, (Asian elephants are ugly) they are just too cool! I think its the ears. Or maybe I watched Dumbo one too many times. Or maybe it was because they were the animals I was watching when a camel spit on my sister at the Houston zoo when I was 5 and I found it to be the funniest thing ever (Jenn didn't didn't think so and cried for more than half an hour). Who knows, but I have an unreasonable affinity for elephants

I <3 my ugly boots

I cracked and bought me some Ugg knock offs. Rest assured, the selection of these ugly ugly boots was based purely on practicality; they are super warm, comfy, and tall so I can take on even the tallest snow bank without ending up with wet feet.

I resisted, really I did but yesterday (or maybe it was Saturday, I don't know) Toronto got a dumping of snow and I had a moment of clarity. I had to go in to the downtown core to pick up a book from the Indigo at Bay and Bloor (the very same Indigo that I went to for the HP7 launch). IT seems that the City of Toronto is just as bad at plowing its streets as its suburbs are. During the half a block walk from the car to the front of the store, I walked through 3 puddles and over 2 snow banks. Needless to say I had very wet and cold feet. I was not a happy girl.

So I cracked. I put it off for as long as possible, but I realized that I needed to buy boots especially since the weather network is predicting the coldest winter in a generation.

Greeeeeeat.....

Thank God I only have class 3 days a week next term. And I have me some ugly ugly super warm boots.

This entry's happy thing is brought to you by the letter D. Double Pointed Needles. Its a knitting thing. For knitting in the round, perfect for socks and the top of hats. Both of which I love knitting more than anything else in the world.

Cookies, Cookies, Cookies

Two posts in one week?! Has the world come to an end?

No, I'm just a procrastinator and blogs are a wonderful tool for the procrastinator. So is baking by the way, which I have been doing a lot of. Cookie baking to be exact. Cookies for Christmas. It started last week because I have finals and its spilled over because I've been have certain flavour and texture issues. I found an awesome Gingerbread recipe in one of my mothers numerous cook books. It was simple and heavenly. No, my problem is my shortbread recipe.

I should probably explain the story behind my shortbread. Its award winning. Granted it was small community contest, but the point is I won a cooling rack because my shortbread is awesome. Its so awesome because years ago I went though nearly 10 pounds of butter trying to recreate my grandmothers shortbread recipe that she used to make for her Christmas parties. I had to tweak it quite a bit cause Gran has a cookie press and I don't. I needed to find a balance between the super butteryness of a spritz cookie and still have it stable enough to be a sliced cookie. It took me freakin' forever but in Winter of 2003 I did it. And I only make it once a year, for my grandfather at Christmas.

I am fiercely protective of this recipe. Apparently it is a family trait, my great grandmother was just as protective of her doughnut recipe. She went as far as to give her churchgroup recipe book the wrong recipe so people would stop asking her for it. I am just as paranoid so I share my shortbread recipe with no one. Seriously, not a soul on this planet knows the recipe and until about 20 minutes ago, that included me. I refused to write down the recipe because then it could be stolen. I figured that I had spent so long working these cookies, I would never forget it. Yeah, I'm an idiot. I forgot the ratios, so I've been spending the past week trying to remember how to make these cookies. After 4 batches and 6 pounds of butter I got it right!!

Grampa gets cookies this year! And I've written down the recipe and hid it so well I'm wondering if I'll be able to find it again but that's OK because I'll remember the recipe this time....

On to Happy Things! I could cop out and just say cookies, but that would be too easy. The newest happy thing is my Coat. Yes my new red wool coat. Its red. Its wool. Its flippin' awesome! Its a double breasted pea coat from Torrid. I bought it in Buffalo last month. Wanna see?
http://www.torrid.com/torrid/store/product.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302032102&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524442165990&bmUID=1196476318852

Isn't is just so pretty? It makes me so happy on so many levels. Its warm, its red, its pretty, and it looks grown up!

I'm off to study for my last geography exam ever! Seriously, I am never taking another geography course ever again. That too makes me happy.

huh? what?

"Finals. Papers. Panic. Readings. So far behind. What to do! what to do! Need sleep."

That's whats been running through my mind for the past week and a half. I have just over a week until finals start, then I have 10 days in which to finish all this terms work including a 20 page research report that I have barely started the primary research for. Sometimes being an Anthropology major sucks. I love it even when I hate it though so I can't really complain. All I can say is thank goodness I haven't had to work in the past few weeks, My boss has done one of three things.
1. He's taken pity on my fellow research assistant and I and decided to wait until the new year to load us up with new data since we both have a lighter course load next year.

2. He has forgotten that he hired to RA's to do his bitch work, so we're still on pay roll even though we don't actually do any work

3. He is just as big a procrastinator as I and doesn't actually have anything to just us yet.

Now it's quite possible that its option one. After all he is a very nice man and took pity on my during finals/mid-term this summer when I was up to my eyeballs in school work plus spending 24 hours a week in classrooms and another 30 doing course work. It would be awesome if its option 2. I'd just keep getting overpaid (cause I am grossly overpaid for what I do but apparently that's starting salary so I won't complain) until my contract runs up in April. But it's likely 3. I've come to realize that most profs are permanent students thus are just as big procrastinators as the ones they teach. IT doesn't really matter as long as I don't have to work until at least December 13. December 13 is my freedom day. My last final is a taken home and its due that day and since my research report is due in 14th at the latest, I will have it done bu then and save myself the bus fare.

Since I have been spending the last 3 weeks doing nothing just school work (4th year is kicking my ass), I haven't had a social life. I did see Enchanted last night. Cutest movie ever! Love and Adore! Now I was very tired and in desperate need of a brainless happy cheesy Disney McDreamy moment so I may have enjoyed it far more than the average person but it was still quite good. Next on my movie list is August Rush and Fred Claus. Possibly the Golden Compass but the jury is still out on that.

Now to concluding this rambling blog of stress. My Happy This brought to you by the letter B.

Blue Raspberry Sour Starburst. Random, I know, but deeply embedded in Michela-Lore. I shall share the story that will probably end up being longer than the actual blog. My OAC year of high school nearly killed me. OAC for the vast majority of the population that doens't know what it is, is basically grade 13. In the old Ontario curriculum there were two diplomas; The basic grade 12 diploma which you got if you were going directly in to the workforce or in to college, and the OAC diploma which you got if you did an extra year of high school and were planning on going in to university since Canada doesn't have standardized tests like the SATs or ACTs. Entrance is based on your grades in your final year of school. To be an OAC student you had be have at least a C+ or B in the required courses from the previous year and you were stuck in school for an extra year. My OAC year was the last one before it was phased out.

I have never been a very strong student. I work my ass off for my grades. Even the C+'s (I am proud to say I haven't got anything lower than a C+ in University. Quite an accomplishment I think). In OAC I was not only trying to get in to university, I was competing with nearly twice the number of people because the OAC class and the 12 class were both applying. Needless to say I was stressed and pushed myself too hard. I got sick a lot, didn't have time for a social life, and developed a panic and anxiety disorder. Yeah it sucked.

There was a bright spot though. A lot of the people in my grade fast tracked. They took summer school, or an above required course load, and finished a term or even a whole year early, so by the time second term came around, there were only about 75 OACs left and most of us had been going to that school since grade nine so we all knew each other. We'd show up to class in sweats or even PJ pants. Girls didn't bother with make up or styles more complicated than a messy pony tail. guys didn't bother with hair gel or shaving. It was awesome. We were all comfortable just being ourselves. After all who the hell did we have to impress, we were the top of the food chain and had bigger things to worry about lol.

Everyday in fourth period I had World Geography, my favourite class with my favourite teacher. It was a small class, like less than 20 people, compared to the 35 in some other classes we had to share with the grade 12s. I sat next to my good friend Angela, and everyday one of us would buy a pack of sour starburst from the caff to give us little sugar jolt to get us through those last 2 periods of class. I got the Orange ones, Angela got the Grape, and we would split the Cherry and Blue Raspberry ones. But the Blue Raspberry were the best because of one very special trait; they would turn your tongue blue better than any other candy on the market, even tongue painter chupachups (anyone remember those). So we'd pop one in at the beginning of class when the teacher was giving the lesson and quietly suck on it until it was gone, then we'd compare tongues. Who ever had the bluest one won. There was no prize, no punishment. the loser didn't have buy the starburst the next day, and the winner didn't extra candy. It was pure bragging rights ( for the record I won more than Angela).

Eventually the other girls in the class got in on the action and there would be multiple packages bought everyday and shared in class. On supply teacher days and video days we'd bring crafts (one girl knit, not me I hadn't quite mastered that yet, one made bracelets, Angela did origami, I made little beaded bags). It was awesome and I miss it and to this day I think of that class and those people whenever I have a Blue Raspberry Sour Starburst and I smile.

I enjoy the little things

I've always known that small things amuse me, but today it struck me how much joy I derive from the little things in life. Here are a few things I noticed between 11:30 this morning and 5 this afternoon that make me very happy:

I love that my new red coat that keeps me warm when its freezing but not too warm when its just cool. And my pretty black ballet flats with the ribbon bow on the front make me want to dance down the sidewalk on the way to class. The delicious smell of Apple Cinnamon Tea after a long break-less lecture. The feel of soft yarn as I knit (especially when I knit in class). That satisfying squish of a new piece of gum. Remembering that I have friends who so desire my presence, that they track me down in tutorial because they are hungry, but don't want to start lunch without me. Laughing at nothing with the same friends. Walking through the rotunda in Vari Hall and feeling so small, but at the same time a part of something so big. Customer service reps who take my complaint seriously, courteously and with the promise to resolve the issue. The first 12 bars of Keys to the World by Richard Ashcroft. Coming home and seeing my mother in a good mood.

That's a lot of things in less than 6 hours. It was a lot of things I needed to notice today. I've been having a stressful few weeks. Not new stress, all of it is school related which I am thankfully used to at this point, but enough stress to make me feel a little down. Add a stolen cell phone to the mix and the discovery that my beloved iPod, Georgie, has lost nearly 50% batter capacity meaning I'll have to replace her soon, and I was feeling rather bummed this week.

Things are better now though. I replaced the phone, with a much prettier model, and reminded myself that Georgie still gets nearly 8 hours of battery life out of a single charge meaning she has enough life inside her to keep going for a few more months before I'll have to send her away (at which point I will cry). At the the mix my list of simple little happy things and I am feeling quite good.

In the spirit of this, I am going to do something I've posted on a bunch of other blogs. At the end of every entry, I'm going to do an ABC of happy things. After 26 blog entries, I'll have a list of 26 happy things to remind me (and you, if you keep reading) of some of the things I may not always notice, but are always there.

A: Apple Juice. I love apple juice. Its sweet and a little tangy and reminds me of being 6 years old and playing with barbies on the front lawn.



P.S. Halloween was a hit. did 6 pumpkins including Oogie Boogie. Voldemort, A Werewolf, A Dragon, and from The Nightmare Before Christmas, Zero, Jack Skellington, and Oogie. They were all popular, but Voldemort was the favourite this year.

Halloween Approcheth

I love Halloween. But sadly it comes at midterms (at least midterms for my half year courses. Which most of mine are this year) so no parties for me this year, but that doesn't stop me from letting the awesome out all over some very lucky pumpkins. Here's a preview.

There there would be Oogie Boogie on the Moon from the fantabuoulous, zombiepumpkins.com. Go there, buy a memebership and join te awesomeness.

More pumpkins later this week. 5 more to be exact. Possibly 6.

now I'm off. I have a Method paper to finish and coupons to print for the big Buffalo shopping excursion on Tuesday.

End of an era.

I lost a friendship tonight.

I knew it was coming. I actually planned on initiating the conversation myself, but I wanted to do it in person. I felt I owed this person that much. They beat me to the punch and decided that instant messaging was good enough to end a three year friendship that, at one point, was very important to me. It ended in an exchange of messages that left me so angry I was literally shaking and then that was it. The anger is gone. While I am sure that I will lose other friendships as a result of the ending of this one, I am still not angry. Just saddened that it ended this way. I overestimated my former friend’s capacity to be accepting and understanding, a mistake I will try and avoid in the future. Now I just feel sorry for them for reasons I won’t elaborate further because, honestly, I said my piece and the public doesn’t need to know the particulars. Besides I could argue my position until the day I die, but it won’t change anything.

I had really hoped that this person and I could be quite mature about the situation, and not discuss it in blogs and such. I over-estimated them. Well I don’t feel much like taking the high road anymore. I’ve done it a lot. I’ve kept my mouth shut when things were said that pissed me off, I’ve tried to hold my tongue when rants were uttered for the thousandth time and I accepted stupid little comments about my flaws as a person (all of which I am perfectly aware of and do not need reminding of) all for the sake of preserving a friendship. After all, those who wish to have long term friendships must learn to have short term memories.

When I was a teenager I used to go to church several times a week. I won’t lie and say I went because I was uber religious. I went because my friends were there and it was the one place my mom would let me go and hang out without her supervision. I did learn a lot about my faith and friendship while I was there. I picked up quite a bit very useful advice from our youth pastors that has helped me everyday since he shared it with us. One of the things he told us was that we cannot go through life expecting things to be completely fair. Sometimes you will end up with the short end of the stick and that includes in friendships and we have to remember that not every friendship is an answer to your prayer, but rather you are the answer to someone else’s or at least you are there to do something God needs you to do. He taught us to believe that there is a purpose behind every action we do, and a reason why people enter and exit our lives. While we do not understand God’s purpose, we have to accept them and believe that we learned something, even if it was a lesson we care not to repeat.

So to that person who used to be my friend, just know that I am not angry; holding on to anger hurts no one but yourself, and acceptance is the only way to be at peace with your life (a lesson I tried to impart on you. My greatest hope for you is that you will learn it before your anger and frustrations destroy you). I am a little hurt that you did not believe I deserved that same respect I had for you, however, I am over it. I will readily accept what I cannot change and that is a lesson I learned, in part, from this friendship.

(And by the way, words do have the capacity to hurt me but I choose ignore the words of people who do not have my best interests at heart. That is a lesson I learned long before you and I were friends.)

Holiday countdown!

Monday was Thanksgiving! I like Thanksgiving, not because I have a great love of Turkey (I don't actually. I prefer ham). No, I love Thanksgiving because it marks the beginning of my holiday season. I say mine, cause I count Halloween as a major holiday that requires planning and celebration.

I have already started planning my jack-o-lanterns, how I'm going to expand my display and potential costumes. I'll need two; one is needed for shelling out and another for Laura's Birthday party. I'm sticking with my Harry Potter theme. For the past two years I've made up my front yard like Borgin and Burkes from the books. Since I already have a rather large collection of gross, dark magic stuff all I have to do it replace broken stuff and carve the pumpkins. For that I turn to the greatness that is zombiepumpkins.com. It's awesome, I love it, and I'm hoping for many HP stencils this year cause of the new movie.

Halloween also means, Halloween movies. Halloweentown and the Nightmare before Christmas to be exact. Two brilliant examples of the genre lol.

As for costumes, I'm thinking Bellatrix LeStrange She's just so deliciously evil and slightly insane. Plus its an excuse to wear my black, ruffly, slight Victorian skirt and use my super amazing wand again. For those who don't know, I made Laura, Angela and I wands for the HP 7 book launch. They were all a big hit. We spent half the night casting spells at each other. Impedimenta and stupefy were the most popular.

Back to the subject at hand, which is my holiday season. After Halloween, I can start planning for Christmas. Christmas is kind of a big deal in this household. We start planning in August. I'm extra excited this year because we might be getting a real tree for the first time in 16 years! Over the summer out faithful artificial, that we got in 1997, fell victim to a watering hose leak and got all mildew-y. It was getting faded and insanely dusty anyway. Instead if getting another fake tree this year, my mother is considering getting a real one just for this year, then picking up a new fake one during the Christmas Clearance sales when they are like 90% off. Of course this means we won't be able to put up the tree until at least December, but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

I don't want to give too much away, but I've already started my Christmas knitting and crafting. (just a teaser, I learned how to knit ------- a few weeks ago....)Mwhahaha.

Now, I must finish because mid-term hell week has started, I don't have time to do anything just school and work until the end of next week. and even then I only have time for already scheduled events such as the aforementioned birthday celebration and pumpkin carving.

And Life Goes On.

So Summer is over and Fall is right around the corner. Summer session ended, fall clases started and shock of shock, I actually like them. well the ones I have been to. I haven't been to my Friday class yet cause I didn't bother going to the first (Come on it was the first day and it was a second year course. I've sat through enough academic honesty lectures in my life thank you very much and I know where the library assitance desk is and I am well aware of the ins and outs of WebCT). I espeically like my Critical Ethnography course. We, the entire class, are going to help write an Ethnography of York. I'm excited. I'm going to try and remin involved after the term ends and in to next year because it is published. That's about all.

Now that thats in order, what about the rest of the two months I didn't post. I could sit here and write along rambling prose but I prefer lists.

1. Went to the Harry Potter 5 premire, it was good. I liked it. Luna rocked.

2. Went to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows launch at the Indigo on Bay St. along with Laura, Angela and 5000 other Torontoians. It was insane. I loved every minute of it. Even thought it was so hot by 11 that the wig and cargigan were banished to the purse that broke at 10. Luckily I brought a cauldron to hold it all. We talked to an adorable set of sisters and a middle aged man who was some sort of Film Editor. And a student film crew followed us around half the night. Super funnes. I swear I didn't cry (That video recording was doctored.....)

3. Finished HP7 in under 14 hours, including those 7 hours of sleep I forced myself to take at 5:30am. I cried. A lot. At several different times. A few things shocked the hell out of me, but I saw others coming. I won't go in to detail for all 4 people on the planet who don't know who died. And I liked the ending, I don't care what anyone else says.

4. The Humanities class of death ended. Sadly I have yet to finish it. I got food poisoning a week before the exam and couldn't study or write. It's hard to use a coputer while spending half your days in the bathroom and the other hald desperatly trying to stay hydrated.Yeah, not fun. So I defered, and just finished the final paper this week. not my best piece of work but i'm sure I've done worse so I'll hope for the best. I'll be writing the final this week. Wish me luck.

5. The Summer job was extended and it is now a fall semester thing. Pretty sweet. It will probably last until January which is just fine with me.

6. Went to Maine at the end of August. Krista and I went to Old Orchard Beach twice where I swam, well walked, in the ocean, Freeport (also twice. Once at midnight. L.L.Bean never closes. It was fun. I bought an ugly coffee mug. During the Daytime trip we went to Bath and body works where I dropped a ridculous amount of money, Yankee Candle, and the Gap outlet. The Gap has plus sizes in te States! how cool is that? and the Burberry outlet isn't much cheaper than retail), New Hampshire which is home to the tax free shopping. Spent a lot of money at Bath and Bodyworks, Lane Bryant, and Hot Topic. With minor money spent at Torrid, TJ Maxx, and Victoria's Secret. Portland waterfront was visisted, and it smells like fish. A 'haunted' house was visited. As far as I know, no angry sprits followed me home. And I discovered that I can eat safely at Applebees!

Yeah, that seems like about everything of major importance.

Harry Potter Mania Begins

Tonight I am going to see HP5 which is the first event in the week that shall go down in history as Harry Potter Mania.

Next week is the book 7 launch (incase you've had your head under a rock for the past 6 months and didn't know that.) and I am going as Luna. Stay tuned for details and possible horribly embrassing pictures of me in a blonde wig brandishing a wand

Wisdom Teeth aren't very wise.

I finished one of my summer classes and I am technically half way through my second one thought I have only written one of three assignments and don't maybe 1/5 of the reading.

None of that matters because I have survived the worst this summer could toss at me. I survived my first summer class, and I think I'll be getting a respectable grade in it since I got an A on both parts of the presentation, a B on the mid term and even though I got a C on the research paper I studied my ass off for the final so maybe, just maybe I'll do well enough o get a B or B+ on that. And when I say study, I mean study. Two friends and I rented a dorm room and stayed on campus the night before so we could study non stop. We reviewed from 1:30 pm until about 11:00 pm when our brains finally shut down and we were forced to go to bed, even though I didn't sleep because the room was either too hot or too cold, there was a street light flashing in my eye and the mattress was hard as a rock. Needless to say I got the whole dorm experience out of my system and I needed one massive cup of coffee in the morning just to make it to breakfast.

What? You think that wasn't so bad? I'm not done. I finally got paid. Yeah big deal It was important to me.

More importantly though, my registration date for the 07/08 year came. I was petrified. The two classes I wanted to take this year are the third year archaeology classes and they fill up in about 17 seconds. I set up my entire year around those classes. I even picked my final Gen. Ed. requirements around those classes. I was paranoid. I was at my computer at 1:29 refreshing until it would let me register.

I got in to both.

In fact, I got in to all my classes. Down the exact tutorial. I was a little wigged cause that has never happened before. Every year I've need some kind of over haul. AND as if that weren't enough I managed to pay my tuition deposit without hassle! I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Until it happens though I'm going to enjoy how well my academic life is going.

Sadly life is not all school though. I had my wisdom teeth removed on Tuesday. All four. At Once. It hurt quite a bit. want to hear the ironic thing? It was only the bottom teeth that were bothering me. They were growing in at like a 45 degree angle towards the front of my mouth and causing pressure and one had partially erupted though the gum line so it was sore. The tops ones weren't causing me on iota of pain even though they were slightly vertically impacted. The bottom ones that have been the baine of mt life for months slid out like butter according to the oral surgeon. They each had a single partially formed root and were fully erupted from the jaw making them a snap to remove. Each one took about 5 minutes.

The top ones had not one, not two but three fully formed roots. Three. Fully Formed. And both were firmly embedded in my jaw bone. They needed to be drilled out. The teeth at caused my no pain on Monday had now caused my so much on pain on Wednesday that I was convinced the doctor had broken my jaw. I still can't chew.

I never thought it would happen But I'm actually sick of pudding, Milkshakes and Mashed potatoes. Today I was so desperate for protein (cause I haven't had a real meal since Monday at lunch time when I had a ham sandwich) that I chopped some chicken up in to teeny tiny piece and mixed it in with my mashed potatoes. yeah, that wasn't nasty at all.

Still, if that's the worst part of my summer, I don't think I'm going to complain much anymore. Its giving my plenty of time to knit, my mom and sister and totally spoiling me, I have some lovely heavy duty pain killers (since I'm allergic to Tylenol and this T3's aren't an option he he he), Laura came over and brought my Tinkerbell stickers! and I now have an excuse to sleep 12 hours a night without getting an grief! I defiantly wouldn't do the wisdom teeth again, but the perks helps make up for the pain.

It's Summer!

That's right! It's Summer! Not because its May 2-4. No, it's summer because I broke out the hot pink nail polish on my toes.

(Ignore the ironic case study in the back ground.)

Hot pink toe nails mean sandals, and sandals mean summer. Aren't they pretty?

By the Way

I'm too lazy to find a place ti stick this in my last post.

Finals grades came in. I got a C+ in Methods. Still Eligable for Grad School. Proof God Loves me.

(C+ in Caribbean Geo too. B in Media Representation and B+ in Anthro of Tourism. for anyone who absolutly must know. I did alittle happy dance a la Turk on Scrubs does when he is right)

Another week and apparently I get pensive late at night.

Another week of summer has passed me by. And I have a midterm in 9 days. A midterm in a class I started last Monday. Yeah, It seems very strange to me too but whatever. I won't have to study because duh! I just learned everything 10 days ago. Hell, I start studying for F/W term finals earlier than 10 days before the exam. I'm not worried.

I am, however, quite worried about my Humanities class. I have come to realise that I am not a Humanities student. I am an Anthropology student, a Cultural Anthropology Student to be exact. There is a difference. Humanities students are all about hidden meaning and implied messages and future impact. I ain't. I look at whats done and the social/cultural root behind a practice, custom, word usage, etc... OK, yeah I have to consider implied messages, screw future impact! I am trained to look at every culture as a non-static entity that it constant interacting and reacting therefore is impossible to predict. I like it like that. Sure it means every 10 years everything I learned it outdated or totally discredited but whatever!

I swear I have a meaning behind this little random moment of strangeness. I am taking a course on Terror (Actually the Horror Genre of literature and Film) and Terrorism (yes, Georgie's biggest enemy) and I am so freaking out of my league because I am so in to Anthropology that I can't think like anything but an anthropologist.

I had to read a book called a Very Short Introduction to Terrorism. It was actually a good book. Informative and unpretentious I thought I understood it well.

I did. If I were walking in to an Anthropology class. I was completely unprepared for taking that knowledge in to a Humanities class. I was thinking about causes relating to shared culture specific knowledge, and oppressive social laws and interfere with cultural believes and all that stuff that I have spent the last three years learning how to do. The prof wanted use to Map, Position and Relate concept without looking at the things I am used to looking at like home culture of the perpetrator but rather looking at the target. Yeah, that's a strange concept for me, and I don't fully know what it means and I don't know how to do it at a university level. I walked out of that class feeling rather stupid, confused and self-conscious about my abilities as a student.

I was longing for the simplicity of high school, which I completely took for granted while I was there. That of course lead to a whole new line of thought.Like how I graduated 4 years ago next month. It doesn't seem like its been that long. I almost feel like if I went to bed and slept really hard I could wake up and realize that the last 4 years haven't actually happened and they were actually a very vivid sometimes horrible dream. That's not to say I wish them away though. The bad things made who I am today just as much as the good things. Maybe the even more because the bad things make you think and reflect harder

No, too many good things have happened to want them gone.

I found academic passion and it shocked the hell out of me. I never once considered Anthropology as a major when I was in High School. Today, I couldn't imagine studying anything else because I love it so. I know I will keep learning about it long after I finish my degree.

I met one of my bestest friend (hi Laura!) in my first year Geography class. . She keeps me on my toes and stops me from being a total hermit crab.

I went to DisneyWorld with my other bestest friend, Krista. Yeah, pretty insignificant to most people, but it was an important trip for me. It was the last thing I needed to do before I could get over my childhood. Yes, I do mean get over it. I was not a happy child. No one took me, so I saved my money for a whole year, I got on a plane, stayed in a hotel by myself that first night, and I went to DisneyWorld. I saw mickey and donald and Ariel and I rode on its a small world and the mad tea party. I fulfilled that childhood dream and now I can lay it to rest. And Expedition Everest was the greatest ride ever.

I've made it more than half way through an honours degree. Yeah its taking me longer than I thought, but I' doing it. I'm proving to everyone who said I couldn't that I can, even it I am horribly lost in that one course. It's keeping my humble. Not that I think I need help wit that. My Research Methods course did that just fine.

I learned that it id possible to be away from home and not get homesick. That was during my second solo trip. I went to Maine. That was an important lesson for me. It started me on my wings in a way my first solo trip didn't. That first solo trip was one of the bad things that I wouldn't do over.

I learned not to be afraid of the Epi-pen. The Epi-pen is my friend and it means I don't have to fear the world so much.

There are some bad thing I wish didn't happen. I wish I had realized my beloved dog, Abel, was sick sooner than I did. Then I might still have him, or at least some of the guilt would go away.

I wish I told the guy who got away how much I liked him instead of letting my hurt get in the way.

I wish I hadn't stayed home to go to a movie with a friend that last weekend my mom went to see my Aunt a few months before she died.

I wish I hadn't lost the sterling silver faux Tiffany Bracelet I got for my 18th birthday that my sister spent her entire pay cheque on. That bracelet meant the world to me.

I wish I hadn't bought that black H&M dress that I never wore and hangs in my pseudo-closet three years later with the tags still on.

I hate regret....

Implusiveness

It's Saturday night. I'm young. It's summer. I have a killer skirt and slutty shoes in my closet. Yet am I out taking advantage of all these things? No. I had too much work to do. One of the perils of working from home I've learned. When you don't have a building you have to report nor a set time in which you have to accomplish a certain amount of work, its easy to put work aside in favour of things like homework and Grey's Anatomy (OMG! Did you see that last ep? Callie wants to have a kid?! She's known George like 4 seconds. Wait, that's another blog....)


So I have a new job as a research assistant. Doesn't that sound all impressive and smart? Trust me, its really not. I'm pretty sure a well trained monkey could do the work I was assigned this week. To the point. Its part time and I can work anywhere I can use my computer. In fact, my computer is the one doing the actual work. I don't think, I just click. I spend a large portion of yesterday trying to figure out how I could work with my toes so I could knit (I thought about this while working). Unfortunately I do not have very good dexterity in my toes, unlike my sister and her freaky monkey toes, and I had to sit there and click copy and paste literally thousands of times.

This mind numbing work is taking longer than the prof I'm working for thought. or maybe I'm just slow. I don't know. Its not really important. The point is I was behind and I had to get my work done today. So Here I am at half past midnight on a Saturday in May. probably the one weekend all summer where almost everyone I know is actually in the same city (Mother's day weekend has its plus sides!) yet I can't do anything. Major pout moment here.

I decided to put on my snoopy PJ's and work on my bed (for a ridiculous amount of money per hour might I add. I'm getting quite close to double what I did last summer for far easier work and no screaming children. That part I love. I love it enough to forgive the job for being mind numbingly dull. Its a good time to let my brain nap). Now since I am unable to sit and work in total silence, I turned on the TV and Dirty Dancing was on. Like any product of the 80's I had to watch. I admit it, I am a closet Dirty Dancing fan. I want a Johnny. I want to dance like a skank, and pour water down the pants of the ass hole and be the hero for not really doing anything more than a normal moral person wouldn't do.

My favourite scene came on and I had to stop working. It's the one closer to the end where Baby and Johnny are dancing in in the white loft place and song where the singers say 'How do you call your lover boy?' 'I just call 'Come here Lover boy!' and such while Baby and Johny lip sych in a very flirty/dirty way, and Johnny is clearly ready to throw her against a wall have have his wicked way with Baby because shes a tease. Then that little nerd walks in on them and Baby and Johnny scatter and pretend to have have been having a regular dance lesson and that they aren't in Luuuuuuuuuuurve.

Anyway, that song got stuck in my head, so I looked it up on iTunes and found a 27 song 20th anniversary edition of the soundtrack with several remastered songs on sale for 9 bucks. 27 songs, 9 bucks. That ladies and gentlemen is $0.33 per song. BARGAIN! So I bought it. I wanted one song. Maybe two and I bought the whole thing on a whim. Yeah, I get impulsive when I'm trapped at home when I want to be out.

I Can't Sleep...

and my stomach hurts. It's a bad night..

You know, once upon a time I had an actual website. Not just one of these blogger things, but an actual website that I made super cool layouts for. They were usually pink and involved some sort of retro theme. The first one was retro circles of varying transparencies in shades of hot pink, light pink, blue and green all on black background. The last one was based on the movie poster from Down with Love. It was heavily pink. I really wish I still had a screen cap of that layout. I have a copy of it somewhere but sadly it is on a floppy disc and I have no idea where I would find a computer that still has a disc inserter thing. There was also a rather cool jelly bean one. That one wasn't very pink.

That site was called Can't Sleep and I started it more 4 years ago while I was in the OAC. I called it Can't Sleep because I launched the site while I was ill with mono. I was exhausted all the time, yet unable to sleep because whole sections of my brain wouldn't shut up. It was a horribly frustrating time for me, so I decided to name my site in honour of that time. The full name was Can't Sleep: The Rantings of an Insomniac.

I miss it. I miss making the layouts, I miss coding them by hand, I miss the old school techniques of using notepad and FTP for running a site. Back then I had to use actual HTML codes to make paragraphs breaks or underline or insert links. Adding pictures to text required endless amount of resizing and cropping in paint or photoshop (I used paintshop pro 6.0 then 7.2 and later 8.0) then careful placement within text which often involved the hell known as tables within tables. And if I wanted spell check, I had to type the whole thing in word, then copy it to notepad while being careful not to break up the table or inline frame codings.

Changing layouts wasn't a simple operation requiring 4 minutes and 7 mouse clicks. It was a long process that took many hours or even days. You had to make the graphics, then cut them to precise measurements, then carefully place them in tables that fit those carefully cut graphics (which was my definition of torture. I still hate tables, they are PURE EVIL!) which usually took hours of figuring out why the columns have vi sable lines or why there is a space between images when there should be no space that you only figure out hours later was caused by an extra tap of the space bar in the exact wrong spot. There there was text coding and CSS style sheets to make the text match the graphics and cursors to match the text and alter the scroll bar colours so they didn't stand out like sore thumbs in your all black and pink layout.

After it was all done, back in the days before .php was common, you'd have to go through every page, and replace the coding so all your pages matched. A new layout never took me less than an entire day. And that was only for my inline frame layouts where I only had to replace the style sheets on the archive pages. The tabled layouts with no inlines took me entire weekends! After all that was done, you'd have to upload each file to an with an FTP program like my all time favourite, Coffee Cup FTP, and hope to God you didn't get timed out half way through.

I realize that about 95% of you have no idea what I am talking about, but to the 5% of you would there who remember life before blogger I ask, wasn't it worth it? Don't you miss the freedom and creativity of having a blog that was completely unique? I do, but sadly I have forgotten almost all HTML save for the most basic codes and I just don't have the time to spend on those lovely and reflective layouts anymore. C'est La Vie.

dammit

So I had a depressing week. My final grade in Methods in Anthropology was a C. This has be quite bummed as this is the lowest grade I have received in university, Actually the lowest grade I've had since Grade 10 when I took my last math class. I came close to a C in Physical Geography but i studied my ass off and wrote the most detailed Lab assignment ever and i managed to pull my grade up in the last month.

With Methods I worked all year. I started off well, getting B's and such but then second term came and all the studying and hard work didn't seem to matter. I got a D on the final and a C on the research project that i put my heart and soul in to. I cried. A lot. I cried a lot and got depressed because with that D and C i put the final nail the coffin that were my hopes of getting in to grad school. The absolute lowest mark allowed in a degree requirement is a C+ and even then its hard to find a school that will take you. most will pass you over with less than a B.

Add my difficulty finding a summer job, and problems at home and I have been one stressed girl. My moods have been all over the place and I've been getting headaches so I went to the doctor. Guess what! My hormones are out of whack and I have mildly high blood pressure both of which are likely brought on by stress. Shocker right? Looks like I'm saying goodbye to my friend salt for a while.

This made me even more upset and more stressed. I'm not sure, seeing as it's been nearly four years since my last English class but I'm fairly sure that is ironic.

So I took a nap and decided to not let it get to me. All the signs told me to be happy. I finished the sleeve on the sweater I'm knitting (My first one ever!) and it fits perfectly, my favourite movie, Moulin Rouge, is playing on the free preview of AMC tonight, I had chocolate pudding in the fridge and animal crackers on the top of the fridge (the worlds greatest dessert!) and I had just enough cash to buy a big ol' carton of OJ which I have been craving for a few days. Oh! and I got my highest marks of the year in my final two Anthro of Tourism things. See, all happy things!

Tomorrow is a new day and I have 12 days left of my summer vacation before summer session starts so I'm going to get up early (and by early I mean before noon) put on my supper comfy yoga pants and go for a walk, possibly in the conservation area about a kilometre from here, while listening to the Moulin Rouge soundtracks. A new day and all that crap.

She lives!

I have offically finished my third year of university. Three down, Two to go. I wrote my Anthropology of Tourism exam at 2:00 and now I have exactly 20 days kill before summer term starts. Correction, 20 days to find a job. Damnit, it ever ends! gah! For the first time since I was 17 I don't have a summer job lined up. It's kind freaking me out. I'm not going back to camp this summer and that has me bummed. Don't worry, I'll get over it. Camp stopped being fun last summer. I've outgrown it. That has me a little wigged too. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a grown up yet. Ha! Like I have a choice.

Its more like I hate this current stage in my life. That really awkward spot when you're an adult but still in school and thus dependant on someone else. It's irritating and frustrating beyond belief. I just want it to be over now. I want to be a grown up or I want to be a kid again. No more of this in between bullshit and since going back isn't an option due to the lack of time machines that leaves me with moving forward. I know, I know, I'm going to look back in two years and realize how fast it went by but it seems so far away right now.

I'm actually excited about being a grown up. Starting a career (not just getting a job), moving out, paying bills, all that fun stuff. I've completely outgrown where I am now. I'm pretty sure I already said that but I just want to be sure you fully understand my irritation at the situation (I swear the rhyming was unintentional).

Anyway, Going now. Tomorrow err... later today, is celebration time with Laura. Blade of Glory then getting smashed... well pleasently buzzed since I can't afford smashed, at Outback.

Procrastinations thats not really procrastination.

I survived the on slot of tests. I think I might have actually passed most of them. or at least the Geography one thanks in large part to the fucking awesome notes of Laura and Shannon. This week is Week of the Papers, the sequel. I have three due next week. One hardly even counts. Its only a 700 word reading assignment, which is submitted on webCT. Easy peasy. The second is slightly more challenging. a Map assignment. Its basically a desciption of an old map in 1000 words or less (I will resist the 'A picture is worth a thousand words' cliche right now). I'll have to put some brain power in to that, but not much.

The last one though, that has me nervous. Its a Research Project. No, I take that back, its THE research project. My first primary research encounter. My proof that I can be an Anthropologist. The 16 pages that will mark my entry in to the world of academic contributions and informant interviews. Its a very intimidating project. It's also been fantastically fun up until this exact point.

Description and Analysis of Research. Its terrifying. Methods and Methodology was easy. So was literature review. I transcribed informant interviews, gave said informants clever pseudonyms that are highly entertaining to me, but that know one in the general population could possibly understand. It's like having an inside joke with yourself, and it was possibly my favourite part of the entire project.

All of that was actually kind of fun. But now I have to analyse my findings and I am stuck. Its the classic problem of I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it. I tried writing out everything as it came to me just to get it out so I could go back and try again with some finesse, but no matter how I tried it's horribly disjointed and amature. GAH! It's worse that being rushed because of procrastination. at least then you can blame and problems on being rushed but I'm not rushed. All my research is done, Lit review is done and Methods is mostly done. I tried the Intro I had the same disjointed issue and I can't write the conclusion until everything else is done.

The project is due next Wednesday. In any other situation if I had this much work completed nearly a week before the due I would have thought the heavens had opened up and God was literally smiling down at me. Life would be all Sunshine and Roses. All that bullshit, but for some reason, I'm not getting warm and happy feelings. I'm getting panicky. There has to be a way to convey my analysis to another human being, on paper, and have that human being understand me. ARGH!

Maybe I should work on my map assignment while I'm freaking.

23 years and 19 days

The end of the Fall/Winter term is fast approching at York University. The week after next and finals have already started for me. My first one was yesterday. I have two more next week, and another in April not to mention an assignment and a research project due on the 2nd. Yeah, I'm a busy girl. A very busy girl. I've become even more of a hermit because I don't have the time or energy to do anything other than read anf type. Even then I can only type education related things. Seriously. I've been staring at my computer screen for 10 minutes trying to pound out a decent blog entry.

I came up with two options. Unable to decide on which one I would focus on, I have decided to blend to completely unrealted topics in to one entry.

First topic. My Birthday was on Thrusday. I am 23. I don't feel 23. hell, I didn't even feel 22. I think I stopped aging about 7 months after my 20th birthday. At that point I was well in to my first year of university and had adapted well enough to survive and I stuck there. Worse, I have 2 more years a head of me. Anyway. I aged. I didn't really do anything to commerate that fact, but there it is. I am 23 years old. 23 is a scary number. 24 will be scarier. My mother was married by the time she was my age, married so long she was no longer eligable for the newlywed game. Hell! she was knocked up with me by her 23rd birthday! Not that I should be comparing myself to her cause that whole marriage thing didn't work too well for her now did it.

I kinda hate birthdays now. After 19 they aren't fun anymore. They become reminders of all the things you have yet to accomplish and how much time you've wasted. Or is that just me? I think I should just stop counting birthdays. Yeah, ill start marking my progress through life by...um.... Leap Years. There are fewer of them so I'll only have to have apanic attack every 4 years. So there. Thats my new plan.

Oh crap. There's one next year...... Oh well.

on to the second topic. Wanna know how long it takes to lsiten to 1500 songs on iTunes? 19 days. Yeah, it takes 19 days. I was scrolling through my iTunes library eariler this month and I noticed how many songs I had that I have never even listened to and I thought 'Hey, whats the bloody point?'. I always end up listening to the ones in playlists but I haven't bothered to makea new play list months. So I decided to listen to every one and delete the ones I didn't like and put the ones I did like in to play lists so I'll stop listening to the same 82 songs over and over. I figured it would take a week. After all I could skip all the Christmas songs, theres 92 right there I could skip. And the movie soundtracks could be skipped, there 116 gone. And the 82 I always listen to can so be skipped. That about 1500 songs out of 1716 (I can't be bothered to actually count). How bad could it be right? I mean I'm stuck to my computer these days anyway.

Yeah, playlists didn't get made (though a few were expanded) and I think I deleted maybe 20 songs. Most of those were duplicates.

But anyway, if you ever wanted to know how long it takes to get through that many songs, now you know. Nearly 3 weeks.

4.9 days my ass, iTune you liar!

Too busy to blog

Too much to do. Research project, map assignement, critical reading paper, and 3 finals all in about a 10 day span. I just have one this to say.

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/weilhealthyliving/328/can-black-pepper-be-poisonous

So if this pepper allergy doesn't kill me, it might be benifitical! Finally! a positive to the whole thing. I needed that.

Joshua Tree, 20 years and still awesome

Anyone who knows me, knows I am slightly obsessed with U2. I heart Bono something fierce. The Edge, and Adam and Larry too. I went to see them in September 2005 when they were in Toronto. I was in the nosebleeds, but it was still one of the most awesome experiences of my life. They played songs I have long known by heart and a few I hadn't heard before.

And while all the albums rock, Joshua Tree is my favourite. I love War and Boy, I really love How to dismantle and atomic bomb, but if I had to choose only one album I'd choose Joshua Tree. OK that's a lie, I'd pick the best of Us- 1980-1990 because it has all the best songs from the 80's which includes my all time fave song, Sunday Bloody Sunday, as well as most of Joshua Tree, but that's not really an album, its a compilation.

Because JT is my favourite, today is a special. Today is the 20th anniversary of the day this gloriously emotional and beautiful album was released in to the world (http://music.yahoo.com/promo-22316283-207-20070131-). 20 years ago today I was 2 weeks from my third birthday and still adjusting to a move to Canada so I don't remember a damn thing about that day, I didn't even know who U2 was because my parents listened to country (shut up, we were from Texas.) but that doesn't mean today isn't important.

The fact that I was little more than an infant and completely unaware of any music aside from the sesame street theme and 'wheels on the bus' doesn't mean that today is unimportant. Quite the opposite. Websites, and well known websites at that, are mentioning this anniversary. They are talking about a 20 year old album from a band that isn't currently touring, hasn't released an album in 2 and half years, and has no release date for the next album. Damn. When you look at it that way, you have to think that must be a very important album.

Raise your Guinness. Here's to the greatest living rock band!

(BTW, I wrote this during class, and about half way through the first half a very smelly girl came and sat next to me. She was nice but I was distracted so there may be more mistakes than normal.)

Puppy Love con't

The Puppy's name has been changed again and hopefully for the final time. Shasta jsut didn't suit her and I refused to allow her to be called Abby since it was too close to my last dog's name (Abel).

Now her name is Jasmine. As in Princess Jasmine. Wold you expect anything less than for me to name my dog after a disney princess?

Puppy Love

This is Shasta.

Shasta is 8 weeks old. She is a Miniture Pinscher. She is very cute and loves to chew.

Shasta lives at my house now.

(Yes, her name was Abby. Jenn and I didn't like it so we changed it)

grown ups.

My friend Vanessa is getting married. I'm happy for her! But it got me thinking, I am so not a grown up. And that also got me thinking, actually wigging but thinking was involved. Ness and I are the same age. Actually I'm 6 months older for for the sake of argument we are the same age. We started high school together. She was the person I got drunk with for the first time, and I was in her car the first time she went out without an adult in it. I was also with her the time we borrowed-without-permission her parents car and went to Buffalo to do some shopping. All very immature things to do. They were also quite fun.

And now she's getting married and thinking about stuff like weddings and down payments on houses.

I'm thinking about this research paper on Grey's Anatomy and where am I going to get a Luna Lovegood costume in my size for the Harry Potter Book 7 launch.

I am not a grown up. I feel like I should be since I'll be 23 next month. But I know I'm not one yet. I've been mulling over this whole grown up thing in the back recesses of my mind for a few hours (It was banished to the back because I was working on said research essay). Maybe I'll never been a grown up because my thoughts on what it means to be one keep changing. When I was like 12 I thought being a grown up instantly happened on your 18-th birthday. Boom, you wake up and everything is different. You start worrying about bills and retirement funds and you're instantly responsible for everything in your life. I also thought at age 12 that I would have finished school, got married right away and had kids by age 23. Pffffft. Not interested in that right now.

Later on as the 18 mark drew ever closer and I realised I'd still be in high school when I was 18 because I wanted to go to university now and that required OAC. so I revised the grown up idea and I thought that high school graduation was the magic moment of grown-up-ness. I'd put on my mortarboard and ugly polyester gown, pick up that piece of paper and and Boom! I'd be a grown up. Yeah that didn't happen either. I learned that I wasn't ready to be all independent yet. I still wanted my mommy to do my laundry and I sucked at remembering to pay bills on time if someone didn't remind me.

Then I took a year off, turned 20 ('Maybe when I turn 20. It's a big number. No longer a teenager' I thought. nope). Then I started University. At this point I knew that being a grown up was not in sight. As long as I was in university I wasn't going finish growing up. Its impossible to finish growing up when you're not really exposed to a world outside learning. I'm still here. Trucking away on my useless degree that I can't help up love and a new thought has popped in my head.

We never finish maturing. We get older, we experience new and different things and that means our knowledge of the world keeps growing and how we look at it keeps changing. Sure, that learning curve slows down but it never stops. So do we ever finish growing up? The idea of a grown up seems kind of silly now. I'm not ready to stop being a kid. I'm happy to be getting excited about book launches and spending more hours a week reading textbooks than I spend sleeping.

Why do I care?

I don't like Britney Spears. I didn't like her when I was a teeny bopper and she was the teeny bopper Queen. I didn't like her when she was spouting about her virginity, or when she totally broke her promise and turned giant slut bomb. I really hated her when I had to deal with 8 year old girls imitating her and I despised her when she reproduced with a white trash wanna be rapper and propagated her clearly deficient gene pool. I loath her now that she has fallen off the deep-end, is no longer even attempting to care for herself or her poor children. gone bar hopping with Paris sans underpants and has tried and failed at rehab twice in one week and shaved her head as a giant neon cry for attention.

Now here is the conundrum. Why do I care? As stated, I hate her. So why do I feel compelled click on those links stating Brits latest escapades?More importantly why am I actually shocked when I read about what every stupid this she has done today? I don't get it.

It's actually bugging me that I care. and I'm trying to figure out why. Here are my theories so far.
1. The poor little rich girl phenomenon. 'Look how screwed up her life is. Shes such a moron, she has everything and she throws it all away.'
2. I'm jealous. She has money and fame and super cool houses and designers throwing clothes at her. This is an unlikely reason but I'm put it out there. I don't want to live in giant house in California, I don't like most designers and I'm far too modest and shake my ass in order to earn said money.
3. I distracts me from my own problems and the worlds problems.
4. She's the car accident on the side of the highway that you can't help up slow down and watch even though she know you shouldn't.

Any thoughts?

Yet another blood test

Had another blood test today, but I got the bad techncian. They one who must have had a career back in the 80s as a KGB torturer. She finds the deepest vein she possibly can, ignoring my advice to use the near the surface a little to the right. 'no, you have big juicy one here. I use this one. That one too small. It won't work for long' Dude, I've had enough blood tests to know where my damn veins are and that yes they do work. Now she has to use a big honkin' needle and not my little butterfies.

I was right by the way. On the third of five vial, the 'big juicy vein' has decided not to work anymore. So what does she do? Does she listen to me, break out the butterfly and tap my little vein of perfection? Noooooooooooo, she starts digging around the inside of my arm with her big honkin' needle trying to find more blood. VAMPIRE! Shes a vampire I tell you!! So there I am, with a sadistic tech digging around my arm, and I am trying not to run screaming down the hall and in to the saftey of my mothers van. Three things stopped me. 1. I still had to pee in a cup. 2. there was a pediatrians office was a few doors down and I didn't want to scare the little kids. 3. I was sure she would have chased me with a bigger needle and tried to tap my juggular. No, I sat there, tears in my eyes and trying to thinking of bunnies and knitting (maybe knitted bunnies) and waited until she was done violating me.

So I survive my brush with evil and shakily make it to the car in extreme pain. I've never had pain after a blood test in my life. After they take the needle out the worst thing I have to deal with is the band aid (speaking of which, she managed to get arm hair stuck in mine. I have no idea how! There's no arm hair near my elbow.). Not this time. I am in pain. I ask my mom why its hurting. She told me the evil russian must have ruptured the vein and now its going to hurt, leave a very ugly bruise and maybe swell.

Greeeaaaat....

The Storyteller

The Storyteller is a tragically short run Jim Henson TV show that ran in the 80's. I watched a few episodes at work and I loved it! Krista, the woman I work for, loaned me the DVD while she was on vacation and I am addicted! I watched a few episodes last night before my brain died and I needed sleep and I'm going to watch more after I finish listening to the geography lecture audios for my test tomorrow. I should probably do some of the readings too. On the other hand my bud Shannon doesn't even have the books and she's managed to kick my ass on the two previous tests.

Back to the show, each episode is based on an old folktale from differnt reigons, German, Cletic even the odd greek. I adore folktales. I have the complete Hans Christan anderson and Brothers Grim collections on my ipod.

I hate needles.

So something not right and I need a blood test. I hate getting bloodwork done. Mostly because I hate all needles. Ok not all needles. I'm rather fond of knitting needles, and the Space Needle is pretty damn cool. I"ll rephrase. I hate all medical needles (and the odd sewing needle) that is insert in to any part of my being and causes pain. That include blood work and vaccines.

Don't get me wrong. I can suck it up and take it like a woman, but still. Waaah. Big blood sucking needle this week. I am not happy.

At least the lab I go to uses the little baby needles on me. That's a plus. The name is decptive though. They call them butterflies cause the little plastic thing on the top looks a bit like wings. Or so they say. No, I think it's all a plot to lure you in to a false sense of security. They say 'I
ll use the butterfly for you' and you think oh, butterfly, pretty, happy safe. They then cut off circulation to your arm with their rubber band of tiny hair pulling pain and stab you with a hypodermic device refered to as a bug. It's a plot I tell you! A plot most foul.

I think they should call them bats. Or mosquitos. Something blood sucking with wings. Stop tarnishing the reputation of the butterfly!

Ode to a Laptop

I had the intention of writing a poem about my lovely new Dell Inspiron 640m, but then I remembered I had no skill with the english language when it is put in verse form. No, I'm better with prose. Even if I can't spell.

On to the point. My lovely new laptop, who is as of yet nameless, is the gestest thing ever. I've been in class for over 90 minutes running purly on the battery with the wireless running and I have 61% of the battery left. 3:19 hours! Left -swoon-

Baby, the former laptop which now sits rather pathtically upside down next to my bed, could only dream of having a battery life of 3:19 minutes, let along having that much juice left after running for nearly 2 hours!

This computer is so worth being broke for the next two years while I pay it off.

"I can't feel my toes. Or my nose. I can't feel my toes or my nose."

It's cold.

About 2 weeks ago, Winter finally got its lazy ass out of bed and came to Toronto. Apparently Winter didn't want to get out of bed cause he is cranky and he has a bitter sense of humor. It is insanly cold outside. Its -13C with wind speeds at 48 K/h. It feels like -20C with the bloody windchill. Tonorrow is going to be colder. -17C. I actually have to leave the house tomorrow to go to class. I'm knitting a wool hat so my ears don't fall off tomorrow while I'm waiting for the bus. I'm mildly allergic to wool, but so desperate am I to keep my oh-so-cute ears attached to my head, that I am willing to suffer an insane amount of itchiness and splochiness (I made up a new word!).

This is not the point of my blog. The point is that it is so cold, I had to take a blow dryer to my window. I have this habit of opening my window a crack to let some fresh air in so I can actually breathe. Last night I forgot to close it and it froze in the open position. I woke up very very cold. I could not feel my toes. Or my nose. I told my mother so when I crawled out of my igloo.

I put on a sweater and curled up in my blankets again but I was still cold. It was time for drastic measures. I broke out the hair dryer. I sat there with my hated hair dryer and thawed my window. Yeah, Its that cold.

I Love Canada........

Me and my big ideas.

I have this thing where I go through phases. You know how little kids go through the "I'm a princess" or "I'm superman" phase. Only my phases can't be blamed on a child imagination. Or maybe thay can. Perhaps I never learned that technically not everything is possible and yes I can be a princess if I want to. Though I did learn the I can't be a member of Jem and the holograms lesson and I will never date Lance Bass (but thats cause he plays for the other team and I still seceretly hold out hope for Justin.)

Right now my phase is knitting in the round. I can't stop. I'm making bags and headbands and cases galore. I'm running out of ideas. Now for a normal person this would signal the end of a phase.,but oh ho, not me. No I'm the strange person who will not end a phase until I'm good and damn ready and I won't let a little like a missing craft muse (Her name is Steph. She's a bit of a drunk.) stop me. Right now I am knitting a pirate themed mini purse because I have grown tired of the hot pink, fuzzy trimmed one I made last week.

Three.

All things come in threes and that includes ill fortune. At least in my life. Today wasn't a particularly bad day. It wasn't a good day. It was just a blah day with some crappy moments.

1. I had to babysit a child with an attention span even shorter than mine. 'Melissa put on your coat.' 'Ok. How come my coat is purple? Do you have purple shoes? Why are you wearing boots?' I had this conversation... Also since I was minding the rugrat my laundry still isn't done.

2. I knit a case for my laptop. Nothing particularly fancy, just a little bag-like thing that would keep it insulated and dust free. After working on it for the better part of two weeks (I had to rip it out twice.) I finish it and it's too small. It bites and I'm in mourning. I ate a container of hagen daaz as a way to dorwn my sorrows. Now I feel sick, but thats not part of the three cause I did that myself.

3. I smashed my thumb in to my desk and cracked the nail past the quick. it hurts and my nail is very ugly. I painted it but it's still ugly.

Yes I know. I'm shallow and whiney. Don't care. My thumb hurts and I want to whine.

On a happier note, I found my second favourite shirt today. The Favourite is still missing though.

Seriously..

(this was previously posted on my MySpace account but i felt the need to move it over since I had another incident today.)


Seriously. Stop it.

I am tired of people pitying me. Seriously. Get over it. I am allergic to the most common subtance in food. Deal with it. I'm tired of being looked at like someone with a terminal diease because I'm allergic to pepper. It's not the end of the world! It's not like I have cancer or diabetes. Pity those people not me! Actually don't pity them. Pity does nobody any good. Offer them your prayers. Thats a much better use of engery.

As for me, I'm over it. Why bring it up over and over again? I'm relived to know about the allergy. Life was far more difficult before when I was choking whenever I ate. I was choking for years and I prayed for an answer. More than half a dozen doctors couldn't figure it out until I started praying for a solution. Lo and behold, I figured it out on my own and it could have been much much worse. I could have had a narrowing of the esphogus, it could have been a tumor, it could have been a chronic swelling, or any number of dieases. It was none of those horrible things. It was a simple allergy. Yeah, it makes things more difficult but I'm not going to the hospital in the back of an ambulance anymore.

Ok that one time in June but that soooooo wasn't my fault. The label said it was just plain tomatoes!

I'm done ranting now. This really doesn't affect anyone who would actually read this but I felt the need to rant. Thanks for putting up with me :p

I heart my job

I got paid 60 bucks to spent 6 hours watching movies with a very cool lady with a very cute dog while crafting various items. And the best part is its on Queen st. I adore Queen st. Its my favourite place on the planet and now I have an excuse to go down there every week and I get paid for it!!!!! Next week after work im going to take the streetcar over to Bathrust and go to the yarn shops after work. I'm tres excited.

now I have to make pizza before greys starts.

Welcome to Contained Chaos

After years of bouncing on and off the blog/no blog fence, I finally glue my butt to it and started a desginated blog. This is it people. No more MySpace blog, Facebook notes or the non exsistant livejournal account that I haven't actually logged on to in about 4 years.

Here is where you can get your dose of Wacky Michela-ness, your share of rants and rambles and your fill of spelling errors and typos. Now, since today is Wednesday and I have yet to vacate my bedroom due to my decision to skip Media Representation this afternoon, I have very little to say at the moment. Stay Tuned though for the late breaking information that I'm sure I'll have eventually