huh? what?

"Finals. Papers. Panic. Readings. So far behind. What to do! what to do! Need sleep."

That's whats been running through my mind for the past week and a half. I have just over a week until finals start, then I have 10 days in which to finish all this terms work including a 20 page research report that I have barely started the primary research for. Sometimes being an Anthropology major sucks. I love it even when I hate it though so I can't really complain. All I can say is thank goodness I haven't had to work in the past few weeks, My boss has done one of three things.
1. He's taken pity on my fellow research assistant and I and decided to wait until the new year to load us up with new data since we both have a lighter course load next year.

2. He has forgotten that he hired to RA's to do his bitch work, so we're still on pay roll even though we don't actually do any work

3. He is just as big a procrastinator as I and doesn't actually have anything to just us yet.

Now it's quite possible that its option one. After all he is a very nice man and took pity on my during finals/mid-term this summer when I was up to my eyeballs in school work plus spending 24 hours a week in classrooms and another 30 doing course work. It would be awesome if its option 2. I'd just keep getting overpaid (cause I am grossly overpaid for what I do but apparently that's starting salary so I won't complain) until my contract runs up in April. But it's likely 3. I've come to realize that most profs are permanent students thus are just as big procrastinators as the ones they teach. IT doesn't really matter as long as I don't have to work until at least December 13. December 13 is my freedom day. My last final is a taken home and its due that day and since my research report is due in 14th at the latest, I will have it done bu then and save myself the bus fare.

Since I have been spending the last 3 weeks doing nothing just school work (4th year is kicking my ass), I haven't had a social life. I did see Enchanted last night. Cutest movie ever! Love and Adore! Now I was very tired and in desperate need of a brainless happy cheesy Disney McDreamy moment so I may have enjoyed it far more than the average person but it was still quite good. Next on my movie list is August Rush and Fred Claus. Possibly the Golden Compass but the jury is still out on that.

Now to concluding this rambling blog of stress. My Happy This brought to you by the letter B.

Blue Raspberry Sour Starburst. Random, I know, but deeply embedded in Michela-Lore. I shall share the story that will probably end up being longer than the actual blog. My OAC year of high school nearly killed me. OAC for the vast majority of the population that doens't know what it is, is basically grade 13. In the old Ontario curriculum there were two diplomas; The basic grade 12 diploma which you got if you were going directly in to the workforce or in to college, and the OAC diploma which you got if you did an extra year of high school and were planning on going in to university since Canada doesn't have standardized tests like the SATs or ACTs. Entrance is based on your grades in your final year of school. To be an OAC student you had be have at least a C+ or B in the required courses from the previous year and you were stuck in school for an extra year. My OAC year was the last one before it was phased out.

I have never been a very strong student. I work my ass off for my grades. Even the C+'s (I am proud to say I haven't got anything lower than a C+ in University. Quite an accomplishment I think). In OAC I was not only trying to get in to university, I was competing with nearly twice the number of people because the OAC class and the 12 class were both applying. Needless to say I was stressed and pushed myself too hard. I got sick a lot, didn't have time for a social life, and developed a panic and anxiety disorder. Yeah it sucked.

There was a bright spot though. A lot of the people in my grade fast tracked. They took summer school, or an above required course load, and finished a term or even a whole year early, so by the time second term came around, there were only about 75 OACs left and most of us had been going to that school since grade nine so we all knew each other. We'd show up to class in sweats or even PJ pants. Girls didn't bother with make up or styles more complicated than a messy pony tail. guys didn't bother with hair gel or shaving. It was awesome. We were all comfortable just being ourselves. After all who the hell did we have to impress, we were the top of the food chain and had bigger things to worry about lol.

Everyday in fourth period I had World Geography, my favourite class with my favourite teacher. It was a small class, like less than 20 people, compared to the 35 in some other classes we had to share with the grade 12s. I sat next to my good friend Angela, and everyday one of us would buy a pack of sour starburst from the caff to give us little sugar jolt to get us through those last 2 periods of class. I got the Orange ones, Angela got the Grape, and we would split the Cherry and Blue Raspberry ones. But the Blue Raspberry were the best because of one very special trait; they would turn your tongue blue better than any other candy on the market, even tongue painter chupachups (anyone remember those). So we'd pop one in at the beginning of class when the teacher was giving the lesson and quietly suck on it until it was gone, then we'd compare tongues. Who ever had the bluest one won. There was no prize, no punishment. the loser didn't have buy the starburst the next day, and the winner didn't extra candy. It was pure bragging rights ( for the record I won more than Angela).

Eventually the other girls in the class got in on the action and there would be multiple packages bought everyday and shared in class. On supply teacher days and video days we'd bring crafts (one girl knit, not me I hadn't quite mastered that yet, one made bracelets, Angela did origami, I made little beaded bags). It was awesome and I miss it and to this day I think of that class and those people whenever I have a Blue Raspberry Sour Starburst and I smile.

And Life Goes On.

So Summer is over and Fall is right around the corner. Summer session ended, fall clases started and shock of shock, I actually like them. well the ones I have been to. I haven't been to my Friday class yet cause I didn't bother going to the first (Come on it was the first day and it was a second year course. I've sat through enough academic honesty lectures in my life thank you very much and I know where the library assitance desk is and I am well aware of the ins and outs of WebCT). I espeically like my Critical Ethnography course. We, the entire class, are going to help write an Ethnography of York. I'm excited. I'm going to try and remin involved after the term ends and in to next year because it is published. That's about all.

Now that thats in order, what about the rest of the two months I didn't post. I could sit here and write along rambling prose but I prefer lists.

1. Went to the Harry Potter 5 premire, it was good. I liked it. Luna rocked.

2. Went to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows launch at the Indigo on Bay St. along with Laura, Angela and 5000 other Torontoians. It was insane. I loved every minute of it. Even thought it was so hot by 11 that the wig and cargigan were banished to the purse that broke at 10. Luckily I brought a cauldron to hold it all. We talked to an adorable set of sisters and a middle aged man who was some sort of Film Editor. And a student film crew followed us around half the night. Super funnes. I swear I didn't cry (That video recording was doctored.....)

3. Finished HP7 in under 14 hours, including those 7 hours of sleep I forced myself to take at 5:30am. I cried. A lot. At several different times. A few things shocked the hell out of me, but I saw others coming. I won't go in to detail for all 4 people on the planet who don't know who died. And I liked the ending, I don't care what anyone else says.

4. The Humanities class of death ended. Sadly I have yet to finish it. I got food poisoning a week before the exam and couldn't study or write. It's hard to use a coputer while spending half your days in the bathroom and the other hald desperatly trying to stay hydrated.Yeah, not fun. So I defered, and just finished the final paper this week. not my best piece of work but i'm sure I've done worse so I'll hope for the best. I'll be writing the final this week. Wish me luck.

5. The Summer job was extended and it is now a fall semester thing. Pretty sweet. It will probably last until January which is just fine with me.

6. Went to Maine at the end of August. Krista and I went to Old Orchard Beach twice where I swam, well walked, in the ocean, Freeport (also twice. Once at midnight. L.L.Bean never closes. It was fun. I bought an ugly coffee mug. During the Daytime trip we went to Bath and body works where I dropped a ridculous amount of money, Yankee Candle, and the Gap outlet. The Gap has plus sizes in te States! how cool is that? and the Burberry outlet isn't much cheaper than retail), New Hampshire which is home to the tax free shopping. Spent a lot of money at Bath and Bodyworks, Lane Bryant, and Hot Topic. With minor money spent at Torrid, TJ Maxx, and Victoria's Secret. Portland waterfront was visisted, and it smells like fish. A 'haunted' house was visited. As far as I know, no angry sprits followed me home. And I discovered that I can eat safely at Applebees!

Yeah, that seems like about everything of major importance.

Wisdom Teeth aren't very wise.

I finished one of my summer classes and I am technically half way through my second one thought I have only written one of three assignments and don't maybe 1/5 of the reading.

None of that matters because I have survived the worst this summer could toss at me. I survived my first summer class, and I think I'll be getting a respectable grade in it since I got an A on both parts of the presentation, a B on the mid term and even though I got a C on the research paper I studied my ass off for the final so maybe, just maybe I'll do well enough o get a B or B+ on that. And when I say study, I mean study. Two friends and I rented a dorm room and stayed on campus the night before so we could study non stop. We reviewed from 1:30 pm until about 11:00 pm when our brains finally shut down and we were forced to go to bed, even though I didn't sleep because the room was either too hot or too cold, there was a street light flashing in my eye and the mattress was hard as a rock. Needless to say I got the whole dorm experience out of my system and I needed one massive cup of coffee in the morning just to make it to breakfast.

What? You think that wasn't so bad? I'm not done. I finally got paid. Yeah big deal It was important to me.

More importantly though, my registration date for the 07/08 year came. I was petrified. The two classes I wanted to take this year are the third year archaeology classes and they fill up in about 17 seconds. I set up my entire year around those classes. I even picked my final Gen. Ed. requirements around those classes. I was paranoid. I was at my computer at 1:29 refreshing until it would let me register.

I got in to both.

In fact, I got in to all my classes. Down the exact tutorial. I was a little wigged cause that has never happened before. Every year I've need some kind of over haul. AND as if that weren't enough I managed to pay my tuition deposit without hassle! I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Until it happens though I'm going to enjoy how well my academic life is going.

Sadly life is not all school though. I had my wisdom teeth removed on Tuesday. All four. At Once. It hurt quite a bit. want to hear the ironic thing? It was only the bottom teeth that were bothering me. They were growing in at like a 45 degree angle towards the front of my mouth and causing pressure and one had partially erupted though the gum line so it was sore. The tops ones weren't causing me on iota of pain even though they were slightly vertically impacted. The bottom ones that have been the baine of mt life for months slid out like butter according to the oral surgeon. They each had a single partially formed root and were fully erupted from the jaw making them a snap to remove. Each one took about 5 minutes.

The top ones had not one, not two but three fully formed roots. Three. Fully Formed. And both were firmly embedded in my jaw bone. They needed to be drilled out. The teeth at caused my no pain on Monday had now caused my so much on pain on Wednesday that I was convinced the doctor had broken my jaw. I still can't chew.

I never thought it would happen But I'm actually sick of pudding, Milkshakes and Mashed potatoes. Today I was so desperate for protein (cause I haven't had a real meal since Monday at lunch time when I had a ham sandwich) that I chopped some chicken up in to teeny tiny piece and mixed it in with my mashed potatoes. yeah, that wasn't nasty at all.

Still, if that's the worst part of my summer, I don't think I'm going to complain much anymore. Its giving my plenty of time to knit, my mom and sister and totally spoiling me, I have some lovely heavy duty pain killers (since I'm allergic to Tylenol and this T3's aren't an option he he he), Laura came over and brought my Tinkerbell stickers! and I now have an excuse to sleep 12 hours a night without getting an grief! I defiantly wouldn't do the wisdom teeth again, but the perks helps make up for the pain.

By the Way

I'm too lazy to find a place ti stick this in my last post.

Finals grades came in. I got a C+ in Methods. Still Eligable for Grad School. Proof God Loves me.

(C+ in Caribbean Geo too. B in Media Representation and B+ in Anthro of Tourism. for anyone who absolutly must know. I did alittle happy dance a la Turk on Scrubs does when he is right)

Another week and apparently I get pensive late at night.

Another week of summer has passed me by. And I have a midterm in 9 days. A midterm in a class I started last Monday. Yeah, It seems very strange to me too but whatever. I won't have to study because duh! I just learned everything 10 days ago. Hell, I start studying for F/W term finals earlier than 10 days before the exam. I'm not worried.

I am, however, quite worried about my Humanities class. I have come to realise that I am not a Humanities student. I am an Anthropology student, a Cultural Anthropology Student to be exact. There is a difference. Humanities students are all about hidden meaning and implied messages and future impact. I ain't. I look at whats done and the social/cultural root behind a practice, custom, word usage, etc... OK, yeah I have to consider implied messages, screw future impact! I am trained to look at every culture as a non-static entity that it constant interacting and reacting therefore is impossible to predict. I like it like that. Sure it means every 10 years everything I learned it outdated or totally discredited but whatever!

I swear I have a meaning behind this little random moment of strangeness. I am taking a course on Terror (Actually the Horror Genre of literature and Film) and Terrorism (yes, Georgie's biggest enemy) and I am so freaking out of my league because I am so in to Anthropology that I can't think like anything but an anthropologist.

I had to read a book called a Very Short Introduction to Terrorism. It was actually a good book. Informative and unpretentious I thought I understood it well.

I did. If I were walking in to an Anthropology class. I was completely unprepared for taking that knowledge in to a Humanities class. I was thinking about causes relating to shared culture specific knowledge, and oppressive social laws and interfere with cultural believes and all that stuff that I have spent the last three years learning how to do. The prof wanted use to Map, Position and Relate concept without looking at the things I am used to looking at like home culture of the perpetrator but rather looking at the target. Yeah, that's a strange concept for me, and I don't fully know what it means and I don't know how to do it at a university level. I walked out of that class feeling rather stupid, confused and self-conscious about my abilities as a student.

I was longing for the simplicity of high school, which I completely took for granted while I was there. That of course lead to a whole new line of thought.Like how I graduated 4 years ago next month. It doesn't seem like its been that long. I almost feel like if I went to bed and slept really hard I could wake up and realize that the last 4 years haven't actually happened and they were actually a very vivid sometimes horrible dream. That's not to say I wish them away though. The bad things made who I am today just as much as the good things. Maybe the even more because the bad things make you think and reflect harder

No, too many good things have happened to want them gone.

I found academic passion and it shocked the hell out of me. I never once considered Anthropology as a major when I was in High School. Today, I couldn't imagine studying anything else because I love it so. I know I will keep learning about it long after I finish my degree.

I met one of my bestest friend (hi Laura!) in my first year Geography class. . She keeps me on my toes and stops me from being a total hermit crab.

I went to DisneyWorld with my other bestest friend, Krista. Yeah, pretty insignificant to most people, but it was an important trip for me. It was the last thing I needed to do before I could get over my childhood. Yes, I do mean get over it. I was not a happy child. No one took me, so I saved my money for a whole year, I got on a plane, stayed in a hotel by myself that first night, and I went to DisneyWorld. I saw mickey and donald and Ariel and I rode on its a small world and the mad tea party. I fulfilled that childhood dream and now I can lay it to rest. And Expedition Everest was the greatest ride ever.

I've made it more than half way through an honours degree. Yeah its taking me longer than I thought, but I' doing it. I'm proving to everyone who said I couldn't that I can, even it I am horribly lost in that one course. It's keeping my humble. Not that I think I need help wit that. My Research Methods course did that just fine.

I learned that it id possible to be away from home and not get homesick. That was during my second solo trip. I went to Maine. That was an important lesson for me. It started me on my wings in a way my first solo trip didn't. That first solo trip was one of the bad things that I wouldn't do over.

I learned not to be afraid of the Epi-pen. The Epi-pen is my friend and it means I don't have to fear the world so much.

There are some bad thing I wish didn't happen. I wish I had realized my beloved dog, Abel, was sick sooner than I did. Then I might still have him, or at least some of the guilt would go away.

I wish I told the guy who got away how much I liked him instead of letting my hurt get in the way.

I wish I hadn't stayed home to go to a movie with a friend that last weekend my mom went to see my Aunt a few months before she died.

I wish I hadn't lost the sterling silver faux Tiffany Bracelet I got for my 18th birthday that my sister spent her entire pay cheque on. That bracelet meant the world to me.

I wish I hadn't bought that black H&M dress that I never wore and hangs in my pseudo-closet three years later with the tags still on.

I hate regret....

Procrastinations thats not really procrastination.

I survived the on slot of tests. I think I might have actually passed most of them. or at least the Geography one thanks in large part to the fucking awesome notes of Laura and Shannon. This week is Week of the Papers, the sequel. I have three due next week. One hardly even counts. Its only a 700 word reading assignment, which is submitted on webCT. Easy peasy. The second is slightly more challenging. a Map assignment. Its basically a desciption of an old map in 1000 words or less (I will resist the 'A picture is worth a thousand words' cliche right now). I'll have to put some brain power in to that, but not much.

The last one though, that has me nervous. Its a Research Project. No, I take that back, its THE research project. My first primary research encounter. My proof that I can be an Anthropologist. The 16 pages that will mark my entry in to the world of academic contributions and informant interviews. Its a very intimidating project. It's also been fantastically fun up until this exact point.

Description and Analysis of Research. Its terrifying. Methods and Methodology was easy. So was literature review. I transcribed informant interviews, gave said informants clever pseudonyms that are highly entertaining to me, but that know one in the general population could possibly understand. It's like having an inside joke with yourself, and it was possibly my favourite part of the entire project.

All of that was actually kind of fun. But now I have to analyse my findings and I am stuck. Its the classic problem of I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it. I tried writing out everything as it came to me just to get it out so I could go back and try again with some finesse, but no matter how I tried it's horribly disjointed and amature. GAH! It's worse that being rushed because of procrastination. at least then you can blame and problems on being rushed but I'm not rushed. All my research is done, Lit review is done and Methods is mostly done. I tried the Intro I had the same disjointed issue and I can't write the conclusion until everything else is done.

The project is due next Wednesday. In any other situation if I had this much work completed nearly a week before the due I would have thought the heavens had opened up and God was literally smiling down at me. Life would be all Sunshine and Roses. All that bullshit, but for some reason, I'm not getting warm and happy feelings. I'm getting panicky. There has to be a way to convey my analysis to another human being, on paper, and have that human being understand me. ARGH!

Maybe I should work on my map assignment while I'm freaking.